Learn how to prevent your child from responding with attitude.
I don’t know many any parents who like it when their kids talk back to them.
In fact it’s the number one complaint from parents when I surveyed them and asked them which behavior they hated the most from their kids.
And when I asked them in the survey why they thought their kids were talking back…
None of the parents said that they thought it was because THEY talked back to their kids.
The parents blamed the other kids in the classroom, the television shows, movies, their age, or just the idea that the child is disrespectful and rude.
But not one parent seemed to see the connection between the way THEY talk to their kids…
And the way their kids talk to them.
Even though the people that their kids have spent the most time with in their lives are their parents.
I felt sad discovering this.
Which of these phrases sound like backtalk to you?
A) “I’m busy with this video game! Jeez, isn’t that obvious?”
B) “How come? None of my friends have to do that.”
C) “Can’t Suzie do it? I’ve set the table every day this week!”
As a parent you might hear things like this from your kids quite a bit…
But how often do you say the same types of things to your kids?
For example:
A) Child version: “I’m busy with this video game! Jeez, isn’t that obvious?”
Adult version: “No I can’t take you to your friends house! I’m in the middle of helping your sister with her homework and then I have to make dinner.”
B) Child version: “How come? None of my friends have to do that.”
Adult version: “Why are you being like this? Be a big boy and stop whining.”
C) Child version: “Can’t Suzie do it? I’ve set the table every day this week.”
Adult version: “You know how to put your pajamas on yourself. You do it all the time. Can’t you just put them on?”
The same exact things you hate your child saying to you…
Are the same types of things you say to them all the time without even realizing it.
Then we wonder where kids learned to talk to us like this?
Talking back happens out of frustration.
It happens out of not knowing what else to say in that moment.
And it comes from unmet needs that you or your child are having before the backtalk comes out of the mouth.
But listen…
If you want your child to stop talking back…
You need to make a conscious effort to stop talking back to them first.
Start by paying attention and realizing how often you talk back to your kids.
Notice how often they ask you something and instead of saying “yeah, ok” which is what you want them to say when you tell them to do something…
Notice how often you come up with excuses for why you can’t do what they want…or have complaints. Basically, notice what it sounds like when you talk back to your own kids.
It’s not entirely your fault that your kids are talking back to you…
But if you really want to feel empowered in this situation – instead of a doormat that your kids are trampling over – you need to take some responsibility for the situation and monitor the way you talk to your own kids.
You can do this! (At least I hope you can – because if you can’t do it as an adult, then your 3-8 year old is really going to have a hard time doing it.)
Read this article from Parenthood about how some parents are paying attention to their own responses to their kids so that they can set a good example.
How Much Back Talk Should Parents Tolerate From Their Kids [Parenthood]
