Do you think the solution to overparenting is to pay less attention to your kids? Hopefully not.
As a daughter living in this day and age, I am totally aware of the difficulty that parents face when it comes to monitoring what their kids do on a daily basis. That’s when over-parenting comes into the picture.
Let’s take the internet for example. Do you know which sites your tweens and teens are visiting each day?
Even if you do try to enforce Internet rules at home (when your kids can go on the Internet, which sites they can visit, who they can talk to online), there are so many other ways they can go about using the Internet without your knowing.
They can go online using their phones, at school, or even public places like bookstores. (I’m at Borders using its free Wi-Fi as I’m writing this!)
So how do you not turn into an over-parent as you’re trying to keep your tweens and teens safe?
First, accept that unless you’re with your kids 24/7, it’s pretty much impossible to know exactly what they’re doing. It’s only after you’ve convinced yourself of this that you can learn to let your kids make mistakes.
You’ve heard this before, but your kids NEED to make mistakes – it’s the best way they’ll gain valuable life experiences. After all, if they already know every thing, what’s there to learn?
You can take up over-parenting and protect your kids from every thing you can possibly think of, but there are things you just can’t monitor. You know this.
Inattentive is the new attentive.
That’s the title of Eric Ruhalter’s NJ.com parenting blog. While I understand what Ruhalter is saying, the word choice is just wrong.
Changing your overparenting habits has nothing to do with being inattentive.
Don’t ignore your kids!
Be attentive, but let them have their space. They can make their own decisions – your job is to help, not make decisions for them nor be inattentive to what the decisions are.
Remember that you’re not a bad parent if you’ve made overparenting a habit. It’s a bad habit but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. You make mistakes, and you learn, too. Keep this in mind as you learn to let your own kids make their own mistakes.
Are you a mom or dad who has a habit of overparenting? Has this helped or harmed your kids? What do you think constitutes overparenting? Share your thoughts in the comments section below for other over-parents.
Over-Parenting = Bad Parenting: Inattentive Is The New Attentive [NJ]
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I’ve seen kids end up helpless because of overparenting. Because parents (and grandparents) do too much for kids, all of the sudden the kid is completely incapable of tying his own shoes, wiping his butt, picking out clothes, getting a bowl of cereal … I could go on and on. Unfortunately I feel as if these overparents believe it is child abuse to let kids suffer. I’m not talking about torturing kids or abusing kids, but letting them suffer through the frustration it takes to tie a shoe; suffering through the frustration of being scared they’re going to burn themselves on the toaster, maybe getting a little burn, then figuring out how to get the toast out so they don’t burn themselves. Their view is it is abusive – at least that’s what I’ve heard from some of these overparents. It’s so much easier on Mom or Dad or Grandma to just do it for them. But that’s not what’s best for the kid.
By taking the view that it is abuse to let kids suffer and deal with frustration, parents are creating kids who are and always will be dependent on them. They are also creating kids who will continue to believe that the world owes them – that whenever they feel frustration, they are owed someone swooping in and taking care of it for them. Overparents are raising a bunch of narcissistic kids. This is a crime, and honestly, THIS is what is abusive. So sad that overparenting parents have turned this around in their minds to make it the complete opposite.
Thank you for your fantastic article. I will use this as a reference in the future.
For my thoughts on narcissism in kids, please have a look: http://bit.ly/8FlcRq (I hope this short-link works)